A How To Guide for Loosening Your Grip on Control

I’ll admit, I like to feel in control of my outcomes. Growing up, a lot of situations were ‘thrown’ at us (my little Sis & I) which we didn’t exactly have control over.

For example, I specifically recall driving down a road in our hometown with my little sister and our Momma; when all of a sudden we saw our Dad walking down the street with another woman, holding her hand, smiling and waving at us. Keep in mind, my parents were married. Imagine for a moment how confusing that may be to a child?

This was the first time my Dad cheated on my Mom.

We were programmed at a very early age (our deep rooted beliefs are ingrained between the ages of 0-7) to believe that Life is unfair, hard, and complicated; like a lot of other beautiful beings in this World. We experienced SEVERAL situations like this growing up. Our main coping mechanism? Hold on to control and NEVER let go. Why? To feel safe of course.

However, with a lot of inner work we’ve learned that we can change our beliefs. Our past does not dictate our future nor does the past need to haunt us. Using something called a Life Script can help you create new, empowering beliefs in alignment with the Life you want to Live, the Life you know you deserve.

Though holding on to control is a tool we use to keep ourselves safe, in actuality this is coping mechanism. When we hide in our ‘known zone’ we’re holding ourselves back from our true potential and we’re allowing our circumstances to shape our destiny. This stunts our personal growth, our professional development, and emotional quotient (emotional intelligence). We’re also wasting countless amounts of energy on manipulating scenarios.

Here are some tools to help you loosen your grip on control and lean into uncertainty:

1.Surrender to the Greater Plan
Know and believe that everything is always for your highest good. There’s a hidden agenda behind all events, whether positive or negative in nature. An event is meant to instil gratitude or teach a powerful lesson (related to this human experience or those from previous lifetimes.)

2.Trust in Co-creation
You are NEVER alone. You are ALWAYS co-creating with a greater force. Whether your beliefs are in God, the Divine, or the Universe, you are always supported. Trust in this empowering relationship that is completely your own. It is what you want it to be.

3.Practice Forgiveness
Who are you blaming for your misfortune? What are you blaming? Release the hold it/they have on you and quit giving your energy away to this idea. Acknowledge the role you played and know that everything unfolded as it was meant to. One can only take your energy with your consent so shift the paradigm and remove the authority that person has over you. You control the perception of your experiences.

Bonus Activity

Create a ‘Control’ List. Think about your current Life and areas you feel you need to control. Write them down and explore ‘Why.’ Does a memory from your past float to the surface? How would your Life be affected (positively/negatively) if you were to release the reigns a little bit?


Alli MacKenzie is a Lifestyle Liaison, Reiki Master Teacher, Published Author, and Passionate Mompreneur.

She guides and supports beautiful Beings by teaching how to lead with love and manifest results with ease.

Living in Calmar, AB., she offers online Holistic Lifestyle Coaching, Reiki Healing Treatments, Reiki Practitioner Training, Wellness Workshops, and Motivational Speaking.

Alli’s been featured on bLU Talks stages, spoken at Harvard University, and a number of other speaking platforms.

She’s recently written a beautiful children’s series which helps you share the message of leading with love, human potential, and interconnectedness with the brilliant little souls in your Life. You can grab your copy here!

She strongly believes in the power of Leading with Love and aspires to create a high vibrational ripple effect, radiating outward to touch the hearts of others.